At so many borders
I silently watched my passport get stamped as I walked across imaginary lines
into busy streets of unfamiliar faces, currency changes, and new languages,
while my own language remained the same—internal.
A few months into
traveling, so much had come up from the depths and shadows of my internal mind
that I yearned for a space to process it all. Thus, from Cambodia to Malaysia
and Indonesia, I fell silent, letting the canvas of my vocal expression whisper
words only in my mind. In that silent practice, the world around me began to
change. First, there was a recognition of something that had begun to travel
with me.
Here on the Asian continent, along the backpacker trail where
tourism fuels the economy, taxi drivers yell for my commission, merchants offer
me trinkets for triple their value, and officials create reasons for bribery, a
fog had begun to descend around me. It was resentment. I was frustrated at the
abuse and the attitude of “taking” that was occurring all around me.
In those
first few days of silence, my practice created a space in which I could observe
my surroundings without immediately reacting to them. I saw the taxi drivers who
sat all day in their small cabs, sweating in the sun, hoping beyond their
discomfort that I or another would give them the opportunity to serve. I watched
the merchants who painstakingly arranged their tables and delicately displayed
their crafts to a rush of foreign faces who often missed the beauty of their
artwork. I observed the officials who had lost themselves in corruption because
they too had become full of resentment and frustration from seeing visitors take
from their land without gratitude or return.
Yes, my silence became an art of
seeing beauty, for it showed me the alchemy of attitudes; it let me change
perspective. I reminded myself of the practice to “give before it can be taken.”
What might happen when we offer more than is being asked for? Greed turns to
gratitude. The vendor offers me a second pair of pants for free and the taxi
driver insists on waiting and giving me a return trip with no additional charge.
When we approach others with the energy of giving, we are met with that same
energy. When we approach them with the energy of taking (what’s the best deal I
can get), we are met with the same.
When I arrived to Bali, I began to speak
again. I had been in silence for eight days. From the airport, a taxi had been
arranged to take me to the city of Ubud, almost an hour away. The world became
loud again. The streets felt crowded and my driver’s friendly questions felt
intrusive. I found myself slipping back into silence—only this time, there was a
new reason for it. I was escaping.
The following morning, I went to a popular
café and took residence in a corner booth. I sat there, silently observing
people as they came and went. When a young Romanian woman entered, my eyes
widened. Many minutes later, after glancing at each other from across the room
and pretending we didn’t want to talk to each other, we found ourselves sitting
together at the same table, actively engaged in a conversation of scratch paper
and scribbles. For more than an hour we conversed like this, both of us writing
small notes to one another from across the table. Finally, she wrote, “It’s a
convenient shield this silence of yours. It lets you choose when you are willing
to speak your truth in the world.”
Her comment stung, for it was true. And
so, cautiously, I began to speak again. I became aware of how much opportunity
for authentic connection we lose because we choose to be silent about our truth
in each present moment. We tell ourselves that our feelings, opinions, and
intuitions of that moment are unimportant, insignificant, or won’t be received
well. And yet, the fact is that anything else expressed or not expressed is
inauthentic, creating a separation between us and our truth.
Even when we are
speaking, there is always a part of us that remains silent, and quite often that
is the authentic part—the one that expresses truth without filtration. What
secret vulnerability does it hide? What excuses does it bribe us with to keep
quiet?
I believe that it is impossible to be authentic with only 75 percent,
or even 80 or 99 percent of our being. It must be 100 percent; otherwise a space
remains for stories, interpretations, and incomplete connections to occur.
Leave no mystery to the fullness of who you are. Let the silent part of you
that holds the truth of all your beauty speak out, for only then can you really
connect with the world and with the wholeness of yourself. Be in silence to
discover the beauty within, and when you have found it, speak, express, and
connect.
Rodolfo Young is a spiritual nomad riding the wind to wherever the
breeze may settle. He practices presence, holding space for others to see the
beauty of this moment and to express the beauty of their own spirit. In San
Diego, CA, he founded a non-profit organization, The Center for Connection, to
promote the development of conscious communities. It has since evolved into Total Authenticity, a community dedicated to revealing the brilliance within us all.
For more information,
please visit http://www.TotalAuthenticity.com |
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